Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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