You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
