Cold hands, warm shart.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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