shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
