The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
