"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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