She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
