I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
