did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Plan B is the new Plan A
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
