I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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