So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
