Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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