I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
