so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
