why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
