bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
two words: eviction party
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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