I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
