She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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