I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
