i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
