Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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