If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
