so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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