who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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