Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Non-Jews are for practice
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
