Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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