Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
