Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
