I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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