Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
