Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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