matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
