Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
