OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
