I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
