he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
