You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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