so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
