I am puke
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
