I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
True strength comes from lack of pants
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
