i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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