I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
