Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
