At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
