He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
