The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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