yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
