Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
