you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
