Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
