True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
